Restlessness and the stay-at-home mom
It was 1:30 am and I lay awake in my bed when I finally gave up and went to grab my iPad. Initially, I just planned on browsing Facebook until I managed to get tired. What I ended up doing instead was googling “restless and stay-at-home mom.” I don’t even know exactly what I was looking for but I knew I was tired of this restless feeling that so often controlled me.
At times it has controlled how I spend money. I needed to redecorate, get new clothes, and purchase the newest thing that would help my kids learn better.
It has controlled my health. I just wanted to go for dinner to get out of the house. I said “blah” to workouts. The 6 cookies would make me feel better.
It has even affected how I parent. Sure the kids could watch a movie while I reorganized the playroom for the second time this month. Let’s skip what we really needed to do and go to the park. The kids have often asked if we could “do something exciting today”, a phrase they have often heard me say to Carlos on the weekends.
None of these things are bad in themselves. They all give their place, but when they take over your life, it becomes a problem. I have been making a lot of decisions based on boredom and restlessness and something needed to change.
Here’s the thing: changing it isn’t easy.
In life when I see a problem, I want to figure out the solution. It is just how my brain works. It gives me a high to find that one trick that will make a difference.
There is no trick to dealing with restlessness and finding contentment. Yes, there are small tricks that can help in periods of restlessness, but when restlessness is an overarching pattern in how I live my life, what I need is heart change.
I know that I need to find my contentment in God. That is where the only true peace and contentment can come from. Before anything else, my soul needs to find not only its rest but also its filling up in Him.
And so I want to chronicle my journey, to seek contentment and a spirit at peace. I am talking about a real tangible journey because if I am being honest, any other kind just isn’t going to work for me. I need to do something.
Maybe that is part of my problem, the need-to-do. But it is also how God designed me and the personality he gave me, so I think He is okay with the doing and truthfully even calls me to it.
Keep your eyes open; more on restlessness is coming soon.